I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
