Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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