idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
