Midget sex pt 2 tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
