Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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