I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
