Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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