In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
