Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
well you can't waste a boner
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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