Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
