my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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