Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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