but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
