My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
