you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
