my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
