I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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