I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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