Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
