i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
