If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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