I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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