I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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