Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize