He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
