I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
