dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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