this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
