i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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