i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
