Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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