What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
