she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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