Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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