great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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