I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
