normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
