You can't special order awesome
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
