Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
