Got a toothbrush?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
