He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
