stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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