Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
