So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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