Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
