Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
