I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
