i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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