I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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