Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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