he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
