At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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