I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
