My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
