i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
