How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he thought i was a dude.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize