she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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