I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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