dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
