wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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