Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
