O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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