if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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