I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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