My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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