i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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