I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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