Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That's when you crack a 10am beer
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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