He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry my hands just texted you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
