Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
